The Anderton Awards, the virtual
awards ceremony that
hits AES every year like a
24-hour intestinal flu, got off to a
great start! First, all charges were
dismissed stemming from the melee
at last year’s ceremony (live and
learn—never say something is “da
bomb!” with TSA agents present).
But even better, the city of Secaucus
(which in Lenni-Lennape translates
as “land of frightening odors” and is
located conveniently across the river
from the Javits Center) allowed us
to occupy the charming, historic
Vince Lombardi Service Area for
our awards ceremony! To anyone
who hasn’t experienced what travel
cognescenti call “The Taj Mahal of
the New Jersey Turnpike,” suffice it
to say that the supposedly non-lethal
combination of food-like substances
provided by Nathan’s, Cinnabon,
and Auntie Anne’s achieved a new
level of gastronomic excellence in
our catered dinner.
We tried to hire Donald Trump
again as our celebrity presenter, because
it’s a two-for-one deal—you
get him and his ego—but unfortunately,
he took offense at last year’s
introduction when we described
him as the only person in the history
of time to lose money running
a casino. We asked several other celebrities,
but oddly, most of them
had to do their laundry that night.
Fortunately at the last minute we
were able to grab Frankie Donatello
from the Kiss tribute band that
plays at Chez Trixie’s in nearby Ho-
Ho-Kus, NJ—so with a $20 I.O.U.
and a bottle of Sangria, we had our
And what do the winners get?
Nothing, except a few column
inches in this otherwise extremely
prestigious publication. So
Frankie, put down the bottle and
hand us the first envelope...
The So Obvious No One Ever
Thought of It Before award
goes to Aphex for the USB 500,
an audio interface that connects to
your computer and lets you insert
500 series modules into your DAW
project. Think of it as a host for
hardware plug-ins that insert into
a “plug-out” which you use as a
plug-in within your virtual host. Or
something like that.
Studio monitors earned the
Star Trek “Trouble with Tribbles”
award (although it was a
very tight race with AAX plug-ins).
There were unconfirmed rumors
that after the show closed, various
monitors started breeding and created
even more models. But that’s
just a rumor. Maybe.
The award for Product Name
Most Likely to End Up in a
John le Carré Spy Novel goes
to RedNet from Focusrite. Matt
Damon has already signed to play
the lead in The RedNet Conspiracy,
where the entire universe is connected
via ethernet and Damon
has to stop the NSA from sucking
all the data from it.
In a new category, Tri-Orbit Mic
Stands garnered the Legos Meets
Transformers award for re-inventing
mic stands. Four components
stretch, swivel, ratchet, and rotate
to let you do things with mic stands
that may be illegal in some states.
Breaking Bad was filmed in
New Mexico and used Lectrosonics
wireless mics, and Lectrosonics
is located in New Mexico. And if
you’ve ever been to New Mexico
during a dust storm or when
the temperature hits double digits
below zero, you’ll understand
why Lectrosonics won the Mics
that Are Mars Mission-Ready
award—so expect product placement
in Gravity II.
The Muhammed Ali Outstanding
Achievement in Boxing
award goes to Universal Audio and
API for implementing out of the
box audio inside the box, with the
box being UA’s Powered Plug-ins
platform (say that five times fast)
running their API Vision Channel
Strip plug-in. UA has always had
the analog mojo thing down, but
this one’s a...uh...knockout.
DSD technology earned the coveted
By Grabthar’s Hammer, by
the Sons of Worvan, You Shall Be
Avenged! award. First Sony came out
with a bunch o’ new DSD stuff, then
TASCAM showed up at AES with the
DA-3000 mastering/archiving recorder,
which does conventional PCM and
DSD as well as DSD multi-tracking.
Now all we need is listeners who can
tell the difference between DSD and
And finally, AES itself won the
Martha Stewart/Robert Downey
Jr. Miracle Comeback award. The
show had been on a downward spiral,
but between the efforts of outgoing
AES president Frank Wells (who also
edits this magazine, so Frank, don’t
be modest and edit that out!) [I didn’t
edit it out, but credit where due goes
to the amazing AES Staff; legions of
volunteers, including Jim Anderson
and his convention planning team;
and to AES’ fab new marketing team
headed by Clyne Media--Ed] and the
continuing success of the most excellent—
and always mobbed—Project
Studio Expo spearheaded by Sound
on Sound magazine and AES’s Bob
Moses, the show has been growing the
past two years. Take that, naysayers!
We had several more awards to
present, but unfortunately, we’ll have
to wait until next year when Frankie
will have hopefully regained consciousness.
Thank you for attending,
and on the way out, please remember
to leave your signed releases waiving
all liability for attending the awards.
See you next year!