Over the weekend, the pro audio industry released a litany of literally unbelievable products and feature updates on April 1. In order to get these fantastical offerings to you in a timely manner, we have eschewed our usual fact-checking and observance of detail (AKA “facts”) and are presenting parts of the unexpurgated press releases, spewed directly from the manufacturers themselves.
Sonarworks Goes To The Dogs
European audio software developer Sonarworks announced that it has recruited a new research team to foster a new era of canine-inspired audio development. Effective immediately, the company has appointed Rover S. Cleveland, Dr. Fluff McGruff and Harry Woofster, PhD, to spearhead the new Ultrasonic Sensorineural Research Team. Each of the new team members will report directly to their master.
“With these appointments, we are taking our audio research to a new level,” commented Reins Grants, Chief Marketing Officer of Sonarworks. “With Rover, Fluff and Harry on board, we will now be able to access aural-sensory capabilities beyond what any human being has ever been capable of and integrate this into a brand new DSP-based platform.
Currently, the new Ultrasonic Sensorineural Research Team supports a frequency range of 40 Hz to 60,000 Hz. Members of the team can also sit, come and sometimes heel on command. Team members’ compensation package will include a range of canned, wet dog food as well as imported German biscuits, along with a generous incentive package consisting of graham crackers and various other items found in the doggie bag from last night’s dinner.
Lectrosonics Reveals Cloaking Mode
Lectrosonics is pleased to introduce “Cloaking Mode,” a new feature for the SSM micro bodypack transmitter that renders the unit invisible. Firmware version 4.1.18 includes a mode where the DSP (Digital Signal Processor) cycles are cranked up so fast that the electrons traveling through the unit start to interact with the materials in the rest of the unit in a novel way only recently discovered by physicists.
“Normally, these kinds of interactions are something only seen by scientists working with large-scale particle accelerators,” stated Karl Winkler, VP of Sales & Service at Lectrosonics. “But, after reading one of those fascinating articles in Scientific American magazine, our engineers thought we should give it a try. I’m glad we did – the results are nothing short of spectacular!”
Sensaphonics Tears Into Mega-Bite
Sensaphonics has introduced Mega-Bite™, the world’s biggest bite block. While Sensaphonics will continue its policy to eschew using of bite blocks for their own soft silicone custom IEMs, President Michael Santucci, Au.D., felt the company had no choice but to address competitors who insist on bite blocks as a part of the ear impression process.
“In this ‘bigger is better’ world, makers of acrylic custom IEMs tell their customers that using a bite block for ear impressions will somehow get them a better fit,” notes Santucci. “No one can explain it and no one has proof that it works, but apparently that doesn’t matter. So we developed Mega-Bite with reckless abandon.”
Røde and the VAPA-ware it rode in on
Røde Introduces the The Performer Kit Karaoke Edition, featuring a handheld condenser microphone (TX-M2) and a karaoke desktop receiver (RX-DESK-K) fitted with the patented Synthpersonator™ Voice Alteration Performance Algorithm (VAPA-ware).