Dr. Andy, equipped with the original prototype Cognitive Realtime Audio Processor, searches eBay for a good deal on a lightly used flux capacitor.
Scotts Valley, CA (April 1, 2013)—Today, a number of pro audio manufacturers contacted us about new products that, frankly, left us incredulous. Rather than edit down their product announcements into PSN’s trademark, even-handed distillations that are free from marketing hype, today we’re making a rare exception and running these announcements ‘as-is’ so that you, our readers, can fully assess these unique products for yourselves, just as the manufacturers intended.
We here at Antares are once again hugely excited to announce our next generation of technology dedicated to the democratization of music creation. Having essentially eliminated the need for talent (or musicians) with our proposed Direct Mind Access (DMA) Musical Composition Technology, we’re now addressing the challenges of live performance with our revolutionary Auto-Beat™ Real-Time Temporal Modulation Technology.
You’ve probably all been there. You and your bandmates are running through your repertoire of screamin’ new tunes, but no matter how much you rehearse, the rhythm section just can’t seem to lock in to the rhythm. Try as they might, they always seem to be slightly behind the beat. (While some have suggested that locking in is the combined responsibility of the drummer and bassist, we have a number of bassists here in the Antares Crew and they all assure us that it’s always the drummer.)
Building on the same neurocognitive research that fueled Dr. Andy’s DMA technology, Auto-Beat technology provides real-time correction of drummers who consistently play behind the beat. Using a proprietary 500ms temporal look-ahead field, Auto-Beat is constantly monitoring the drummer’s performance up to a half second in the future. In the same way that Auto-Tune corrects each of a singer’s notes to perfect target pitches, Auto-Beat’s temporal modulation field will instantly pull each drum hit from the future into the present on the perfect beat. It’s as simple as that.
In addition to the cranially implanted Cognitive Realtime Audio Processor and micro-Bluetooth communication unit developed for DMA, Auto-Beat also requires a late-model flux capacitor to drive the temporal modulation system. Additionally, if you don’t already have a portable power source capable of providing the required 1.21 gigawatts to power the flux capacitor, we recommend a Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor as a useful accessory.
Important Note: Auto-Beat only functions at tempos of at least 88 BPM or faster. Slower than that and you’re on your own.