The 139th AES Convention Anderton Awards

It was a cliff-hanger that had showgoers panicked—but literally minutes before the show opened, all lawsuits concerning the catered food at last year’s Anderton Awards ceremony were resolved (and to be fair, adult cockroaches do contain 23.8 mg of Vitamin C, 9 mg of Vitamin A, and are 65 percent protein).
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It was a cliff-hanger that had showgoers panicked—but literally minutes before the show opened, all lawsuits concerning the catered food at last year’s Anderton Awards ceremony were resolved (and to be fair, adult cockroaches do contain 23.8 mg of Vitamin C, 9 mg of Vitamin A, and are 65 percent protein). So, the 245th annual Anderton Awards ceremony—like a direct-drive turntable—was ready to rumble! Celebrating its triumphant return to the Big Apple (with equal time to the Big Microsoft), the world’s only pro-audio virtual awards show was once again ready to shower the winners with recognition—whether they wanted it or not.

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Due to the restraining order from New York State, this year’s ceremony was again held in the New Jersey Turnpike’s world-famous Vince Lombardi Service Plaza. As a thriving hub of international commerce, particularly pharmaceutical goods from Colombia, it was the perfect backdrop for the convention’s get-down-to-business vibe. Furthermore, this year’s ceremony was streamed live and like most streaming events, it bd dzzfd slkss dks ewpu with prfct clarity! (And big ups to Hillary Clinton for loaning us her server).

Now, please welcome celebrity presenter Shia (“Will Present for Food”) LaBeouf—and pass the envelopes.

The Tiny Titan of Terrific Transmitting Award goes to Lectrosonics for its minuscule SSM wireless bodypack transmitter. It’s so small, you can actually hide it in Justin Bieber’s IQ.

Dante picks up the Donald Trump HUGE & Ubiquitous Award for all the Dante interfaces, preamps, extenders, cheese graters and more. There’s even a book, Dante’s Inferno, about the traumatic experience of installing a Dante system in the tenth circle of Hell.

The “Never Solder with Shorts On” Award for DIY Excellence goes to Solid State Logic’s 500-series module kit—a blank, pre-drilled circuit board with knobs, buttons and other accouterments so you can stuff it with parts and have your own 500-series module. Ring modulators, anyone?

The good news: Thunderbolt won the So Fast, It Goes Backwards in Time! Award for exceptional lowlatency performance. The bad news: Thunderbolt also picked up the At Least Half a Loaf is Better than None Award for being everywhere on the Mac—but MIA on Windows.

Eventide garnered the Gotta Check My Credit Card Balance Award for Anthology X, which has 17 virtualizations of Eventide’s “hardware greatest hits” from the past 40 years. If you haven’t used Eventide’s hardware, you want this. If you have, you want it even more.

Shure’s pricey ($2,999) KSE1500 electrostatic earphone system/SHA900 portable listening amplifier combo picks up the Fits Right in with New York’s $27 Hamburgers Award. (Then again, given the music industry’s sad state, for $3,000, you could probably just hire a band to follow you around and play music.)

The I Ching Memorial “Perseverance Furthers” Award goes to iZ Technology’s RADAR, which is getting the last laugh as some people give up trying to keep up with the computer recording arms race.

Audio-Technica wins the Best Way to Strike Up a Conversation with a TSA Agent Award for the USB2020i mic. It’s hefty, cylindrical and if you forget to take the Lightning cable out of it and store it in your carry-on bag, expect a stimulating Q&A session with the Feds.

For the first time since the Roswell incident introduced alien technology reverse engineering that brought us the non-stick frying pan, Casio’s XW-P1 keyboard, MIDI and Jimi Hendrix, the Reverse Engineering of Alien Technology Award is a tie! Zynaptiq won for Unmix Drums, which isolates drums so you can mix them higher or lower, while Audionamix’s Trax Pro 2.5 earned its trophy by isolating an Aretha Franklin vocal from its track. (In a related development, no one has ever seen anyone from Zynaptiq eat food or go to the bathroom. Just sayin.’)

The South Park “Blame Canada” Award goes to Radial Engineering—because it introduced so many useful little metal boxes, from Bluetooth receivers to Ethernet extenders to tube headphone amps, that it caused the recent Great Canadian Sheet Metal Shortage.

Gig Gloves picked up—literally—the O. J. Simpson Memorial “If It Doesn’t Fit, You Must Acquit!” Award. The padded, non-stick palms and backside knuckle protection make these gloves a must-have accessory for fashionista and practical gear-toters.

Sadly, thus ends another Anderton Awards. We hope you relished the fine dining, classy entertainment and companionship of brilliant audio professionals available if you didn’t attend the awards—but if you did attend, we’re sure you appreciated the opium and cheese sandwiches, as well the stunning entertainment from Just Plain Limp, the Limp Bizkit tribute band voted as Waldwick, New Jersey’s 376th Best Ever Bar Band. See you next year!